A Fitting Revenge
by Doktor Girlfriend
Summary: Tired of the antics of slash writers, Lindir decides to turn the tables.


Title: A Fitting Revenge  
Author: Rei-hime  
Pairing: Lindir/Galdor  
Rating: PG/PG-13  
Warnings: Slash; mpreg; general and exceeding insanity.  
Summary: Tired of the antics of slash writers, Lindir decides to turn the tables.  
Disclaimer: I own not Lindir, Galdor, nor the sundry fanfiction authors. I own only Falathren and, well, myself.  
Notes: This is weird, even by my standards. Sort of in response to Vesta's challenge in the Lindir Group to write a fanfic about Elves writing fanfic. I say "sort of" because instead of having Elves write about other Elves like the challenge says, I'm going more with Griz and Rattie's idea of Elves writing fanfic about fanfic authors for revenge purposes. Eh, heh, don't hate me for this, everyone. ;)

**A Fitting Revenge**

**By Rei-hime**

"Lindir, what are you doing?"

Lindir jumped, quickly minimizing the window on the computer, and looked sheepishly at his mate. Galdor stood in the doorway with his arms crossed, having just returned from putting Falathren down for his nap.

"Why do you look guilty?" he asked, attempting a stern expression, though, adorable as he was, it resembled more of a pout. "Did you ask the Mistress' permission to be on her computer? You know she doesn't want us fooling around it, not since Maglor let in all those viruses downloading music."

"Maglor doesn't know a computer from a microwave," Lindir replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Oh, don't worry, love. I know my way around this thing, and I'm not doing anything wrong."

Galdor nervously shuffled his feet. "But if Mistress Rei finds out you were on…"

"She'll be in class for hours yet. She'll never know I was on." He turned large, puppy dog eyes to his husband. "And you wouldn't tell on me, would you, meleth-nin, light of my life?"

Galdor rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly. "Aye, I guess I won't," he agreed, walking over to stand behind his husband and lightly knead his shoulders. He looked curiously at the monitor. "What is it you're doing, anyway?"

"Oh… nothing much," he said casually, though Galdor noticed he squirmed ever so slightly in the computer chair. "Just working on a little something…"

Pale blue eyes sparkled. "Ooh, really? Is it a poem? Are you writing a new song?"

Lindir cringed at the excitement in his love's voice. He should have known that wouldn't work. "It's… not finished." That was true at least.

"So? I show you my unfinished songs all the time. Sometimes you really help me with them." Galdor was now leaning over Lindir's shoulder, nuzzling his ear and bouncing eagerly on his toes. "Come on, please let me see. Maybe I can help you."

Lindir forcefully bit back a burst of giggles at the idea of his shy little mate helping him with… _this. _"That's okay, muin-nin, I'd rather handle this one on my own."

The Teler pouted slightly, rubbing his cheek against the Sinda's. "Why not?" he asked, the tiniest hint of hurt in his voice.

Quickly Lindir's hand came up to stroke the younger Elf's hair reassuringly. "Darling, it's just that… I'm just a little self-conscious about this one. I'd be embarrassed if you saw it now." He cringed anew, beginning to feel very much the heel. It was never easy to lie to Galdor, even if it wasn't technically lying, but he truly did not wish to see his husband's reaction if he saw what he was writing.

To his surprise (and slight dread) Galdor giggled. "Oh, come off it, Lindir," he said playfully, tilting his head to nip at his mate's earlobe. "Let me see it."

Lindir grinned, ducking his head, unable to resist playing as well. "No."

The smaller Elf made a "hmph"-ing noise, spun the swiveling chair around so that Lindir faced him, slipped his hands inside his tunic, and began to tickle mercilessly.

"Aiiiiyyeeee! No, no, no, no!" Lindir pushed and grabbed ineffectually at Galdor's clever hands, already writhing in laughter. "No—ha ha ha… no tickling!"

His mate grinned wickedly. "Let me see!" he insisted, hands sliding up to tickle Lindir's ribs. "Let me see it!"

"No! N-never!" Lindir cried, weakening under Galdor's onslaught. "S-s-st-st-top, G-G-G-Galdor…"

Instead, the Sea-Elf climbed into the chair with him and doubled his efforts, leaning forward to nibble on the sensitive spot behind Lindir's ear.

Ah-ahhhh! Hahahahahaha! N-n-nooooo…" The Sinda curled himself into a ball and rolled to the floor where he dissolved into helpless giggles. "Hahahahaha… you're… so… hee hee… cruel…"

Galdor dropped down to the floor and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Love you," he said before hopping back into the chair and turning back to the computer.

"Hehehehehe… what?" Lindir's eyes widened in horror and he leapt to his feet. "Oh, no! Galdor, don't look at that!"

"Why not?" Galdor asked, having already maximized the window. "I just want to see what you--" His voice broke off as he took in the words on the screen, his brow furrowing then quickly rising as his eyes grew wider and wider.

Lindir closed his eyes in resignation and waited.

"_LINDIR!"_

Smiling sheepishly once more, the minstrel opened his eyes. "Yes, love?"

"Wha… What on earth _is_ this?"

"Just a little story…"

Galdor gave a horrified sort of laugh. "_'A little story'?_ Lindir, you… you've got Rei and… and all the other… You've got them… They're…" He couldn't bring himself to say it. He read on, his eyes growing ever wider. "And that would be bad enough, but… you've got them in their internet personas… Cats and Dwarves and rats and cherubs… and they're all… Oh, gods… Why would you write something like this?"

He scuffed his feet in embarrassment. "Revenge?" he offered.

"Revenge?" His husband turned away from the screen to look at him, confusion in his eyes. "What for?"

"Oh, come on, Galdor!" Lindir replied, growing defensive. "You know why. Because they do it to us. Rei and all the rest of those… those _fanfiction writers. _They're always screwing around with us - writing about us in all these bizarre, humiliating, perverted scenarios… If it's not Rei doing it to us, it's one of the others doing it to other versions of us. They satisfy their own twisted fantasies at our expense, and I… I just think a little taste of their own medicine would serve them right!"

For minutes Galdor could only stare at his lover, then burst into giggles.

Lindir blinked. "Love?"

"Oh, you are _mad, _Lindir!" he snickered, grinning broadly. "But I suppose you have a point."

"You… You're not mad? Or disgusted with me?"

"No!" the Teler cried in surprise. "Why would I be?"

Lindir climbed into the chair next to him. "Well, I don't know, meleth," he said, nuzzling his cheek. "I just thought you might be a little… affronted. You know how timid you can get about this kind of thing."

"Lindir…" The younger Elf blushed faintly. "Just because I can be shy about… sex and stuff… doesn't mean I don't like talking about it or thinking about it. I mean," he blushed deeper, "you've _seen_ the kind of books I snuck out of Círdan's library."

It was Lindir's turn to grin. "You've got me there. Well, my shy little mate," he continued, pulling Galdor into his lap, "if you're not so shy after all, perhaps you can help me."

Galdor purred, kissing his cheek. "Love to."

They whiled away the hour like that, Lindir typing resolutely, and Galdor offering his opinions every so often: "Are you sure Dwarves are that flexible? ("You'd be surprised.")… Ahh, I don't think Blossomwitch would really do that… mmm, maybe she would… Hehe, that's cute… Rats wouldn't need to wear lingerie, melethron. ("They wouldn't need to smoke cigars or turn people into produce either.")… Eww… Now, Lindir! Be nice to Ms. Vesta, she's never done anything to you! That's better…"

After another ten minutes, Lindir put the finishing touch on the final paragraph. "There," he declared, leaning back in the chair with a satisfied smile, "that should do it, don't you think?"

"A fitting revenge," Galdor agreed, cuddling against his chest. "That was fun."

"Aye. I can sort of see why they like to do it to us all the time. Oops, almost forgot," he added, straightening up and reaching for the mouse.

"What?" Galdor blinked, watching as Lindir pulled up the internet. "Oh, Lindir! You're not really going to post that, are you!"

"Yup. Onto as many lists as I can."

"But Lindir--! This was fun and all, but… not everyone might think so. You could get Mistress Rei into trouble!"

The older Elf stroked his mate's hair soothingly. "I wouldn't do that, love. Look, I've got my own address and username and everything. They'll never know it was her muses. Promise."

"Well…" Galdor worried his bottom lip for a moment before sighing, "Alright then, get on with it."

Lindir beamed and clicked "Send."

Galdor sighed again, nuzzling his ear. "I still say you're mad."

Lindir grinned. "Maybe." He turned in the chair, pressing his mate against the back of it and kissing him. "But that's why you love me, isn't it?"

"Mmmmm… it certainly doesn't hurt."

His grinned widened, and he leaned back in to kiss him again, deeper. The Sea-Elf began to purr and press closer as the Sinda's hands roamed over him…

Right on cue, crying erupted from the other room.

Lindir moaned in defeat around Galdor's mouth, pulling back reluctantly. "I swear, he always knows."

Galdor smiled and kissed him lightly as he slid off the chair, his eyes promising that Lindir would be rewarded for his parental devotion later. His husband followed obediently after him to the nursery and cuddled up behind him as he bent over the crib to pick up their small son.

"Hello, handsome boy," he cooed, smiling down at him.

Cradled against his mother's chest, Falathren cooed in return and reached a tiny hand out for his father. Lindir offered him a finger, which the infant happily grasped.

"Laer-nin," Galdor began, snuggling back against his love, "do you really hate the Mistress using us for her stories so much?"

"Mmm, I guess not," he admitted, nuzzling Galdor's temple. "It gets tiring sometimes, but… if it wasn't for her warped little imagination, I would never have you. Or you," he added, poking Fala's nose.

"Very true," Galdor sighed. "Are you sure it was a good idea to post that story?" he couldn't help asking. "Facing Rei's wrath is one thing, but the combined wrath of dozens of angry slashers?"

"Ehh, I wouldn't worry. Odds are they'll get a kick out of it." He shrugged and tickled Fala's chin. "And if they don't, and they trace it back to us, we'll do what we always do."

"Blame it on Haldir?"

"Blame it on Haldir."

**END**


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